The Long Game of Homebuying

People often think buying a home is simple: see a house, fall in love, make an offer, and move in. In reality, the process looks a lot more like dating. You swipe through endless listings, go on awkward first showings, get ghosted after writing an offer, and occasionally question whether “the one” even exists.

Homebuying isn’t speed-dating; it’s a slow courtship full of near misses and almosts before the real match appears.

We’ve all seen the tidy checklists — the “8 steps to homeownership.” Heck, I even have one on this site. And while the steps are useful, they don’t capture the long, messy, emotional timeline most buyers actually live through.

Take my good friends who moved up from the Bay Area with their young daughter. At first, they were eager: “We’d like to look at houses,” they told me. We hopped in our cars, buckled our seatbelts, and went on a scavenger hunt for what would work best. After that first day of tours, they decided they wanted to put the search on hold. Six months later, they called back, breathless: “We’ve got the house!” Of course, the purchase wasn’t without complications — theirs was an off-market transaction with lawyers involved, renters to relocate, and a long renovation list. Not exactly the fairy-tale meet-cute. But like any good love story, the twists and obstacles made the ending sweeter. Today, they’re happily settled in their home.

Rejection isn’t failure; it’s feedback. Each ‘no’ brings you closer to the right ‘yes.’

And here’s where the endurance piece comes in. Nationally, the average buyer submits two to three offers before one sticks, and the process can take months. In my own practice, though, I’ve seen many of my clients land their homes on the very first try — proof that preparation, strategy, and clarity make a big difference.

““It felt like every house we loved slipped through our fingers before the right one appeared.””

— Marie S

Of course, there are outliers. One Seattle buyer shared on Reddit that it took them 28 offers before finally closing on a house in the white-hot market of 2021, when bidding wars were the norm and buyers were waiving inspections left and right. That was an extreme case in an extreme moment. We are not in that market anymore. Today, things are steadier: multiple offers still happen, but most buyers don’t have to endure that level of heartbreak.

And yet, even when you get the “yes,” the journey isn’t over. Closing still takes about 44 days on average — a stretch filled with inspections, underwriting, appraisals, and more paperwork than you’d like. From start to finish, most buyers spend four to six months in the process. Knowing this up front helps keep your energy steady when things don’t move as fast as you’d hoped.

Five Ways to Maintain Endurance in the Process

1. Set Realistic Expectations
   Most buyers tour dozens of homes before finding “the one.” Expect the process to take time — and also expect to spend more than you originally planned. What matters is knowing your absolute ceiling on numbers and sticking to it. Beyond that, listen closely to your team (your broker, lender, inspector) when evaluating choices; they can help you separate a smart stretch from a dangerous overreach.

   “Pre-approval is just the first lap, not the finish line,” says Wendy Hartfelder, a mortgage partner I often work with. “It’s about endurance all the way through closing.”

2. Create a Home Fund Ritual
   Automate savings into a dedicated account, and treat each deposit — even $100 — as a milestone worth celebrating. Think of it less as waiting and more as actively building momentum toward your future home. When saving so much money, it can get overwhelming, so automating helps as you learn to flex the muscle of saying no to things you want here and now.

3. Allow Time for Learning
   The information out there can feel overwhelming — loan programs, first-time buyer incentives, down payment assistance, new policies. Some of it is gold, some of it is noise. Give yourself permission to be patient while you weed through it, and lean on your team to help separate the helpful from the hype. For example, programs like WSHFC’s down payment assistance can be a lifeline for first-time buyers, but it takes time to learn what you qualify for.

   There’s so much information out there — some solid, some pure noise. Part of endurance is patience while you learn what’s real.

4. Reframe Rejection (and Remember the “Yes” Isn’t the End)
   An offer that falls through isn’t failure, it’s feedback. Each “no” clarifies what you really want and prepares you for the right “yes.” And even when you do get that “yes,” know that the process isn’t over — inspections, underwriting, and paperwork all come after the winning offer. Keeping energy in reserve for those steps will help you finish strong.

5. Stay Grounded and Celebrate Milestones
   Whether it’s a walk around the block, a breathing exercise, or a celebratory dinner after saving another $5K, rituals keep you steady and hopeful. If you’re spiritually inclined, you can even mark the journey with a simple spell, intention ritual, or prayer (ask me for tips — I’ve got a few favorites). Buying a home is a series of small wins; noticing and honoring them keeps your endurance strong.

Like dating, the path to homeownership rarely unfolds in a straight line. But when you finally find the one — keys in hand, heart racing, it might be little messy, but it’s exactly right — you’ll understand why it took the time it did.